Sensitive and Strong

When I first posted here I mentioned just how difficult it was to date and try and be an avatar in my own life. Since then it only got worse, to the point that I briefly considered writing a diatribe against the shallowness of the whole "dating scene" and the ritualization of meaningless sex in our culture, and finally gave up completely on wanting to ever meet anyone again.

And as predicted by my closest friends, as soon as I gave up on finding love it walked straight into my life, and I now wonder why I had any doubts for this at all. More importantly however I also found that this was only possible because I try and live up to myself and the world and be the best person I can be whenever the opportunity arises to do so. And it always does. She loves me because I am an avatar, because I attempt to be honest and caring and sensitive and attentive. And this doesn’t conflict with the fact that I am also sometimes crazy and melodramatic and prone to intense fits of seeing the world through a filter of ideals and archetypes. She loves me for that too, because I don’t deny that it’s also a part of who I am.

Of course I’m not saying that the whole dating game isn’t still fucked up, or that a lot of people actually want honest and sensitive men in their lives. This is a culture of masculine archetypes after all, soldiers and cowboys and cutthroat businessmen. My lover’s sister broke up with her abusive boyfriend yesterday, and when it was suggested she try and date someone who might actually be good for her she laughed and said "I don’t date pansies." I don’t understand where the idea came from that sensitivity is synonymous with weakness. As far as I see it, it takes a near infinite amount of strength to be a caring male in our culture. Or just a caring person. Though admittedly some "sensitive men" really are pansies and let their lovers and parents and bosses walk all over them so that they aren’t seen as exerting even a little power or authority over other people, but that just buys into the stereotypes of weakness as well. Which is more sensitive, denying you have power or knowing how to not hurt other people when you use it? Which is stronger, heedlessly fucking everyone else over just to get a leg up or being aware that your actions affect everyone around you? Why is our culture obsessed with these extremes that only seek to keep people at their worst, and what can we do about it?

The most obvious answer perhaps is to be as strong and sensitive as we can, and maybe create a different role for people to fill.

I don’t understand where the idea came from that sensitivity is synonymous with weakness. As far as I see it, it takes a near infinite amount of strength to be a caring male in our culture. Or just a caring person...'